Helping others, Helping yourself

One thing I struggle with is infringing on other people’s free will. I don’t like “preaching” at people and I don’t want to tell someone how to live or how to handle their life or circumstances. However, I also feel this desire to try to “help” people. Where is the line? Is there a line?? How do I “help” people without bombarding them with my distortions? Just because something works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for others- how do I balance this? How do I *know* what to say?

This is overwhelming…. I was commenting on a post, and wanted to say SO MANY THINGS, but I had to truncate my comment because I didn’t want to preach. I also don’t want to give advice when it is not requested. I am not providing “service to others” if I am forcing it on an unwilling participant. At that point, I am only serving myself and my desire to “help.”

So instead of aiming my advice toward one specific soil- let me scatter it broadly so the seed can fell wherever the soil is accepting. One benefit of this change is that I can say even MORE on the subject than I was planning to originally.

It [does not] go without saying:  If this does not resonate with you- forget about it! Don’t force something to fit into your world when it doesn’t fit.


If I could have one wish for everyone, it is for you to know -with every fiber of your being- that you have the authority and capacity to change your environment. You are not powerless.

Stop giving your power to other people and circumstances!!

What I mean by that is: Evaluate a situation, know your responsibility in it, accept your responsibility in it, forgive yourself and others involved, find the “growth” opportunity, and lastly and MOST IMPORTANTLY- accept the love/give the love freely.

So for an example- you lost your job. How many thoughts lately did you have that you wanted to leave your job? Similarly, how much fear were you projecting about losing the job? Were much of your thoughts based in fear or scarcity? What were your beliefs around this job or its duties? How did you feel about the people you worked with or the “work environment” as a whole? Have you been craving a change, but were too scared to initiate it yourself?

Chances are you had some part in creating this change in your world. If you are saying to yourself “None of those questions apply to me” then you could also ask yourself if this was a much-needed-kick-in-the-pants for something greater? Don’t discard God’s/Your Higher Self’s/The Universe’s ability to force a change on you that is NEEDED if you aren’t taking enough action for yourself.

We can’t always see “the bigger picture,” but if you can accept a change in your life as something that is REQUESTED BY YOU and/or NEEDED FOR YOUR GROWTH, then you can roll with the change with some joy and grace. Accepting responsibility also helps greatly with forgiveness…

If you find that you brought a perceived catastrophe upon yourself, forgive yourself for it. Every circumstance is an opportunity for growth and for a chance to show love. Show a little love for yourself. You will get through this, and chances are you will be stronger for it and better for it. After the pains of change have passed, if you believe that you will be stronger and better, you can perhaps find forgiveness for others involved that helped bring about the change. It’s easier to forgive others when you can accept at least a partial responsibility in the matter. Holding onto bitterness and pain will harm you more than anyone else. Allow yourself the time for growth and change and allow this time for others as well. We are none of us perfect beings, and for the most part- each of us believes we are doing the right thing (even if we can’t admit that to ourselves, but that’s a whole large topic in and of itself…).

Looking back: What did you learn from the last job and the people you worked with?  What was it you liked about the job and what was it that you didn’t like? Where did you find the joy and where did you find the stress? What stimulated you and moved you and what caused you to be exhausted or depressed?

Looking forward: So now what? Where do you go from here? What is it that you want to do with your life? What is it that you really want from a job? Do you want peace and quiet or challenges and stimulation? Do you want to work within a certain field or with certain like-minded people? Do you want a job that allows you the freedom to travel or be at home with the family more? Do you value financial stability and regularity or do you truly crave the ability to be inventive, creative even at the cost of irregular pay and hours?

Looking at yourself: Did you have the strength for survival, love, and forgiveness? Did that surprise you? Were you/Are you able to pursue a career path that is more exciting, creative, or peaceful? How many of your thoughts were centered on trust and faith? How many were based in fear or scarcity? What did these thoughts bring about? Be patient with yourself while you manifest what you truly desire. Things may not happen overnight (but they can!). Only state the things out-loud that you truly want to bring about in your world. Be clear on what it is you truly want. Instead of saying “I want a million dollars” try stating what it is you want the million dollars for. For example: I want the ability to have 2 family vacations each year. I want to live without debt. I want to be able to focus on my family. I want to be able to focus on my creative endeavors. What does success mean to you? State it out loud, write it down, manifest it through love, clear will, and strong faith.

Identify areas that there was love given to you from yourself, others, or God/The Universe (insert whatever form makes sense to you). Identify areas that you can show love to yourself, others, and God/The Universe. Be grateful and give thanks in EVERYTHING. Even if you cannot see the silver lining, know that it is there and be grateful for the silver-lining-of-the-future to show itself. If you look close enough, you can find love in every action. Love is there, even if you’re only identifying how someone else loved themselves instead of “loving others.” Be aware that sometimes you need to love yourself, and if this harms other people- know that eventually this harmful outcome will be known to that person and that person will have to reconcile with their actions/outcomes in the best way they can.

Perhaps this is lengthy enough now. If you’ve read this far- thank you! If anything has resonated with you- that’s awesome. In the end, I hope none of this caused any unsettling or harm.

Let me end on this note: only speak aloud that which you want to see in your life. You can also write them down. Have a clear will for what you want and a strong faith that it will come about in its own time. Be patient, forgiving, and full of love.

(Yes, I am still working on all of this, too!)


5 thoughts on “Helping others, Helping yourself”

  1. I would like to ask you a question (or maybe a few). I’ve done the creative visualization thing. Answered these sorts of questions in the past. Do you ever find that you change your mind in the process of manifesting? Or am I the only one who runs into that? I want one thing for a while and then I don’t. I may come back to it months later, but for a moment, I stop. For me, there is only one thing that I have ever really wanted, that has stayed consistent in my life, beyond that, other things didn’t matter so much. They mattered but weren’t my focus. That one thing, unfortunately, revolves around other people’s free will, so I can’t control that. I guess my real questions is, as far as career and that sort of thing goes, how do you stay focused on one thing? How do you not change gears? And does life’s events not alter your thinking from time to time?

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  2. Regardless of my previous questions, though, I am copying your post in a document and responding to each item you listed. It is a helpful exercise that I think could benefit me. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Do I change my mind? As my grandmother says, “Is there a cow in Texas?” We are all changing, and what seems to be important “right now” may not be important tomorrow. This happens enough to me, for sure !! I am always growing and so I allow myself this room to change my mind. lol I roll with the punches of today.

    Career-wise, I tend to stay with the regular 9-5 thing and I don’t job-hob like I used to. But there was a time when I did. I think when you determine what will bring you peace/joy in a career, you can obtain it. And once you obtain it, the focus will be easier. This is just career-wise, but it may apply to other areas. Finding the joy and peace within a creative endeavor could mean that you find your “focus” with sharing the tension between humans and other humans/industrialism/beasts/materialism in your art. It could mean that molding clay gives you a tactile pleasure that it doesn’t matter what the end result is. I am unsure how this sort of thing would reveal itself in each individual being’s world, but there are endless possibilities.

    I find focus to be difficult sometimes. I want to focus on manifesting, meditating, growing my spiritual empowerment- but day-to-day things always pop up in the way. I find myself pushing this self-work back and back and then another day is done where little time was spent doing what I find to be “important.” Every day I recognize this, however, I think will help in me forcing myself to set aside time for what I truly want to do- which is work on me, mind/body/and especially spirit, and remove my dis-empowering nature.

    Changing gears (in any area) is completely OK in my book. I think if you have a desire or inkling- chase it. If it doesn’t sit, then drop it and try again another time (if ever). Life’s events are always changing my perception, and I think that’s OK. I tend to be fluid. Go with the flow. Some people don’t like that attitude and may perceive it as unstable, fickle, or flighty (fluid, flow, fickle, flighty…what’s with all the F’s?).

    There is, perhaps, a limit to the benefit of this transient nature. There is definitely something to be gained from lengthy, steady relationships between us and other people, belief-systems, or work-ethic. But watch out to be caught in a rut or a trap. This sort of discernment will be able to improve with time if one is careful to evaluate circumstances and outcomes. I am working on evaluating things, too. I don’t do this enough, but I find the benefit when I actually sit down and think through a situation.

    I mean, nothing is without fault, and everyone is different. (Is there another trite adage I can throw out there?) So I say go with what works for you and what feels right. If you don’t like being fluidly fickle, then maybe constant change isn’t something you want to embrace. Find focus, female friend, if focus fascinates and forms fruit.


  4. lol There will always be more fruit!

    I need that security (career-wise) which is why I do the 9-5 corporate life. I just found a work environment that allows for me to be at peace and share joy/love. I am not too swamped to enjoy the day, but the stability/regularity/and slow-days can be something to reckon with. It’s not perfect, but I’ve found a great balance for the moment. We’ll see how I feel about it in a year. 😉

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